Defusing Conflict

 ¹⁸ A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,    but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.-Proverbs 15:18


Conflict.  It's an inevitable part of life.  We are all different with different experiences, expectations and opinions, so no matter how "spiritual" we are, we are going to run into disagreements and conflicts with others.  This is not a bad thing!  We learn and grow through these experiences.  Sometimes we see something in a new way.  Sometimes we learn about the struggles and fallibilities of a brother or sister in Christ.  It's all in how we handle conflict.


I remember being with someone when they received a verbally abusive phone call.  I couldn't believe when she handled it by taking the blame and apologizing when I knew she was clearly not at fault.  But the attitude with which she handled the phone call immediately defused the situation.  The caller calmed down and then even apologized and they were able to handle the original conflict in a non-confrontational way.


Usually, our immediate reaction to being attacked is to be defensive.  No one wins.  In this scenario both parties are only seeking to prove they are right and no one is going suddenly "see the light" and admit the error of his/her way.  So we can see two things here:


1.  It is unproductive to attack someone in anger when you feel wronged.  If we angrily tell people what we think they did wrong or insult them by calling them names we will only make them angry as well and we are not going to solve the problem.


2.  If we are attacked by someone in anger, it is unproductive to reply in kind.  Two angry people (or groups of people) are not going to accomplish anything but make each other angrier.


Someone has to take the initiative, and it is the person with the cool and calm demeanor that usually comes out on top.


Yes, we're human and we are going to have issues with one another from time to time.  People are going to disappoint us time and time again.  But we have a choice.  We can sever our relationships with those we disagree with, or we can strengthen our bonds with one another through calm and respectful dialogue.


Easier said than done, of course. It takes practice.  And it takes a willingness to humble ourselves before another person... even a person who seems to have "lost it."    It boils down to one question... Do I want to be "right" or would I rather have right relationships?


Lord Jesus,
Give us truly humble hearts that will allow us to see ourselves as less important than those we might disagree with.  Amen.


Joys:  An unexpected weekend with Cecelia; plans to go to Grandfather's Mountain today; open window weather