Changing From Within

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:44 NIV)

The only way to heal a relationship is to stop trying to change the other person and begin to love them for who they are. There is no other way. Unconditional love is not something we condescendingly "grant" another person. It is ultimately a gift to ourselves. It frees us from trying to "fix" someone else's life.

So often we find ourselves praying for those who have hurt us. But our prayers are always about asking God to change them... change their heart... make them see the errors of their ways. Seldom do we ask God to change our own heart in order to take joy in the diversity in our relationship with the other person. Seldom do we pray only for blessings and joy in the life of the person we are angry with. Seldom do we ask for God to open our eyes to our part in the breach in the relationship.

When we try to mend a relationship by human means, it usually means hiding our true feelings instead of changing our true feelings. We bite our tongue so we don't say anything to start an argument. We "act" kindly even though we want to lash out physically or do something to return hurt for hurt. This only avoids conflict. It does not heal the relationship.

If we want true healing, the change must come from within ourselves. And only God can work from within us. Our prayers must focus less on the "faults" of the other person and more about changing our attitude toward that person. We mustn't simply change the way we behave toward the other person, but change how we WANT to behave toward them. If we are simply biting back hurtful words, nothing is really changing, because before long, the words will come out.

If there is a relationship in your life that needs healing, start by praying; praying that God will show you how you need to change in order to be able to truly love without condition.

Father,
Most of us have someone in our lives we want to change. Help us to change ourselves and the way we relate to them instead. Amen.

Joys: Fun evening with friends; needed rain without the crazy storms; lots of activity going on at church during my work day