Real Biblical Family Values

Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” (Genesis 27:41 NIV)

Here's some good old-fashioned biblical family values for you:

• Cain killed his brother, Abel
• Noah's daughters got drunk and had sex with him
• Abraham had a child by a woman other than his wife and nearly sacrificed his own son
• Lot offered his daughters to rapists in order to show his hospitality to his guests
• Esau plotted to murder his twin brother after Jacob stole Easu's birthright.
• Parental favoritism ran rampant in Jacob's family creating murderous jealousy among siblings... not to mention that Jacob had 13 children by four different women.
• King David's son, Amnon, raped his half sister, Tamar
• Later, Tamar hatched a scheme to get her father-in-law to have sex with her.
• Mary and Martha finally had to get Jesus to referee their bickering.

Yes... biblical family values.  Aren't they lovely?  The thing is, God worked through these families and he can work through our own dysfunctional families.  He can work through the "normal-looking" mom-dad-and-two-kids kinds of families.  He can work through single parent families.  He can work through blended families.  He can work through families that have been through divorce or have drug addicted teens or even families that have "two mommies" or "two dadddies."  We can't shock God.  He has seen far worse than what most of us have to offer.

Instead of worrying about how our own (and especially even everyone else's) family looks like on the outside, let's find ways to let God work within our own family.  Instead of covering up the "dysfunctionality," let's use it to show others in the same situation that they are not alone. 

It is important in our Christian lives to be authentic.  We don't have to look perfect to others.  On the contrary!  It is much more important to show others our flaws and that God loves us anyway and that God can work with whatever imperfections or sins we have.

Father,

Help us to not be afraid to let the world see our families for who they really are...warts and all.  Amen.

Accept, See, Welcome

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. (Luke 11:9, 10 NIV)

We have all asked and not been given what we asked for; sought, but not found what we were seeking; knocked and did not find what we wanted when the door opened.  So what's with these verses?

Notice one important thing... it does not say WHAT will be given, found or on the other side of the door!  It just says that we will receive, find and have the door opened.  The very next verse from Luke says: “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?"  But isn't it also true that if our child asked for a snake, we would give him a fish instead?

Our job, then is to discern what, in actuality, was given, found and opened to us.  We can be sure it is the good gift.  We might think that what we asked for really was good, but our vision is too limited.  We must trust God who knows what our futures hold.  It is only through this trust that we will be able to accept, see and welcome.

This is the secret that turns our confusion into understanding; our dispair into gratitude; our mourning into dancing. When we knock on the door, we can be certain it will be opened to us.  But it is only our trust in a good and gracious God that will allow us to see what lies through the doorway.  Think of the possibilities... our desire is not the only answer.  Sometimes our desire is the most wrong answer.  We just can't see it.  So instead, we must see what God says is better and receive it gladly, and with gratitude in our hearts.

Father,
Help us to discern your answer to our prayers.  Sometimes we want something so badly we are blinded to your better gift.  Open our eyes.  Amen.

Relationships

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 NIV)

Bring up the story of Mary and Martha in any group of Christian women and you've got trouble!  Each will comment on whether they think they themselves are a Mary or a Martha and then offer opinions on the degree of Mary/Martha in everyone else they know.

The thing is, the way we usually read that story, it seems as though the hard-working, make-your-guests-comfortable-and-welcome hostess type is bad, and the sit-on-your-butt-and-act-like-a-guest-yourself hostess is bad.

I've read many Bible studies and commentaries that tell us not to be so hard on the "Marthas" in our churches... we need them!  And as an active church member and church employee, I know how important they are.  But I really don't think this story is about church.  This story is about priorities.

Life is about relationships.  Everything else in life... our jobs, our homes, our hobbies, our volunteer acitivities,  our laws... is about supporting relationships.  When supporting our relationships interferes with our actual relationships, then we have our priorities messed up.  Look at the Good Samaritan story.  The priest and the Levite neglected their neighbor relationship for  reasons that are supposed to support relationships:  worship and law.  Their priorities were messed up.

Like everything else in life, it's not black and white.  Tending to one relationship sometimes interferes with another relationship and sometimes activities that support relationships just have to be done even though it temporarily affects a relationship.  But the questions we should ask ourselves are:  Can this supporting activity be done at another time?  Is the extent of the support I'm building really necessary, or should I be satisfied with less while I spend more time in relationships?  Can the support activity be done at the same time as I nurture relationships?

I love the last question... maybe Jesus, Mary and Martha could have all prepared a meal together?  The important thing to remember is that when we are on our death bed, all those things that supported our relationships will mean nothing.  It will be the relationships themselves that we cling to.

Father,
Help us to always put our relationships with you and with one another at the top of our priorities.  Amen

Dealing With Conflict

Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. (Luke 12:51 NIV)

At first reading, these words of Jesus sound so opposite of who we thought Jesus was.  But think about it.  What real good in this world has ever been accomplished without conflict?  Can you even imagine what the world would be like if absolutely everyone just smiled and never spoke up?  No one ever voiced their opinion for fear of offending?  No one ever said, "NO!  This is not right!"?  We would all be miserable and probably riddled with ulcers.

No, Jesus isn't about never having conflict, but he is about how we deal with it.  It is not conflict that breaks us.  It is the despair in conflict that breaks us.  What Jesus teaches us is to enter into conflict with hope and the desire to see good come from it.  It is about loving even those with whom we strongly disagree.

The traditional marriage vows need some work.  In the passion of new love, we have no problem believing we can love through sickness and health and richer and poorer.  But can we love through addiction?  A controlling mother-in-law?  Long-term unemployment?  or a myriad of other extreme possibilities?

 Even with someone we love enough to promise to live out our lives with them, there will be conflict.  But we should face each with a sense of hope... or even a sense of opportunity.  We can get angry.  We can express our opinion... loudly, if that''s our style.  But always, always, do it in a healthy way.  A way which continually points to the hope at the end of the conflict.

Lord Jesus,
Teach us how to handle the conflict that will arise in our personal lives, in our communities of faith and in local and national governing bodies.  May we enter into it with hope.  Amen.

Doors

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. (Revelation 3:20 NIV)

These days we keep our homes locked up tight, even when we are home.  We are startled when there is a knock at the door that we aren't expecting and we use our peep holes and windows to check them out.  If we don't know them, we don't open the door.  And who can blame us?  It's crazy out there these days!  We need to protect ourselves and our families.

But I kind of long for the days when that wasn't the case... when the neighbor would just pop in with only a "yoo-hoo... It's me!"  Or when a college kid selling encyclopedia could be asked in and even if we didn't buy, we could have a nice chat about their future.  Open doors can be dangerous for sure.  But they can also lead to unexpected delights.

We tend to keep the door to our hearts just as tightly locked.  We are afraid.  We are afraid of being used.  Of being lied to.  Of being hurt.  We have our circle of family and friends.  We don't need anybody new in our lives... especially if they are different.

But a locked heart also locks out unexpected delights.  That "weird" person might just be the slightly eccentric friend that makes life more fun and interesting...someone who looks at life differently and makes us take another look at the way we've always done life.  That "different" person may just be the one that will rid us of that prejudice we hold against a certain group of people, because it is easy to hate a group... not so easy to hate an individual.

If doors are going to be locked all the time, why not just have walls instead?  Doors are meant to be open, at least occasionally.  Take the risk.  Maybe not with the door to your house, but risk your heart a little.  You might get lied to or used, but you might find that God has sent someone special to shake up your life in an awesome way.

Father,
Keep our hearts open to new people and new experiences.  Help us to never quit growing and learning and making new friends.  Amen.

Learn Contentment

Then Jesus said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed” (Luke 12:15 NIV)

"ALL kinds of greed."  I guess that means we can be greedy beyond financial and material gain.  We could be greedy for praise.  Or greedy for attention.  We might be greedy to be the favored grandparent of our grandchildren.  Or greedy to get ahead in our job.  Or greedy for someone else's talents or abilities.

The point is, our lives should not be consumed by accumulating more and outdoing everyone else at whatever we can outdo them on.  Life is not a competition.  But so many of us live it that way.  In Philippians 4, Paul says that he has "learned to be content with whatever I have."  That can apply to all we have a tendency to be greedy for.

Be content with the praise freely given without fishing for compliments.  Be content, even if your good work is noticed by no one.  Enjoy and love your grandchildren without competition even if you are Maw-Maw and all they talk about is Nana.  Enjoy your life where it is.  We miss so much of our lives when we dismiss the moments by striving for a "better" future.

It reminds me of the incessant family photo taker.  They have all the pictures to remind them of the fun they actually weren't really present for, because they were too concerned with framing those precious moments.

Learn contentment.  Be present in each moment and live it and breathe it and enjoy it.

Father,
Make us more mindful of the moments of our lives.  Help us to stop working so hard for future happiness that we don't notice how happy we can be today.  Amen.

Create Joy

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21 NIV)

Jesus talked an awful lot about money.  So why is it we are so uncomfortable with the subject in our own churches?  Maybe because money has such a tight hold on most of us in one way or another.

Maybe we don't have enough.  The bills aren't being paid and we are afraid to answer unidentified calls on our phone.  The kids keep growing out of their shoes and we can't keep up.  The vehicle charged with getting us to and from our inadequate job is threatening to retire itself.

Maybe we are pretty comfortable financially.  So we have to be careful.  We have to keep it locked up tight so nobody else knows exactly how much we have or worse... tries to take it from us.

It's a fact.  No matter where we are financially, money threatens to consume our thoughts and our hearts.  And Jesus knows it.  This is why he spoke about its dangers so often.  It is NOT a tactic to give our churches more money.  It is simply Jesus warning us about the most heinous form of bondage this world has to offer.

The scripture tells us that where our treasure is, is where our heart is.  I challange you to look back at 2 or 3  of your last bank statements.  If you have one of those cool bugeting apps, you can tell at a glance where your money is going and where your heart is.

Look at where our tax money goes (or sadly, doesn't go).  It shows where the heart of We, The People is.  It certainly isn't in education, even though we are fond of saying with our lips how important education is to the future of this country.  But we are killing it with our financial neglect.  No treasure there = no heart there.

God loves us no matter how much or little money we have.  And he loves us even if we have let money rule our hearts.  But he wants us to have a better life than that.  He wants money to be a tool to bring joy to our lives and the lives of others.  Look at your statements or your money apps.  How much goes for joy?

Lord God,
Help us to figure out this money thing.  May however little or much we have create joy all around us.  Amen.

The Enemy?

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies (Psalms 23:5 NKJV)

We are asked to "take sides" on a number of things these days:  gun control, gay marriage, health care plans, high profile court cases....  The problem is, when we take a side, it automatically makes the other side, "the enemy."

Of course, we should have our opinions and live and vote by them, but that doesn't make those with differing opinions the enemy.  Every issue has different ways of looking at it and so much depends on our own history, environment and even genetic makeup.

I recently read a story of a pastor who ministered seperately to both the family of the victim and the family of the perpetrator in a terrible murder.  A teenager had been part of a gang who murdered an undocumented (illegal) Latino for no other reason than that he was a undocumented Latino.  This pastor took severe critisism from the white community for helping the family of a victim who "shouldn't have been here to begin with."  He made even more enemies for "siding with the killer" for raising money to put in the imprisoned teen's commisary account because the teen expressed a desire for warm socks and a can of Vienna sausages for Christmas.

Is it not possible to live out our believes without "choosing sides" and making enemies of those who are on the other side?  Is it not possible to have compassion for those who have made bad choices?  Doesn't Jesus ask us to find him in others... without first finding where they stand on gun control?  Shouldn't we look for ourselves in others and others in ourselves before we race to judgement?

When we get to that Great Banquet Table, "the other side" will be sitting and eating right next to us!  I'm sure when we are there, we will no long consider each other the enemy, so why not start now, by trying to understand their side... by showing compassion for terrible choices made... and by comforting those hurt by bad choices.

Father,
Give us your very own compassion and understanding as we look at "the enemy" for they are really not our enemies; they are our dear brothers and sisters.  Amen.

I Am

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14 NIV)

Do you remember the story of film maker Tom Shadyac from a couple of years ago who gave up his mansion and private jet for a mobile home and a bicycle?  He did a documentary called, "I Am."  It asks the questions, "What is wrong with the world?  What can we do about it?"  The answer to the first question, it turns out, is: "I Am."

This is a wonderful documentary.  You can livestream it from Netflix.  It is well worth the hour and 20 minutes to watch it.  Shadyac interviews philosophers and religious leaders and finds science behind faith.

He shows that we are actually hardwired to be compassionate and kind and living in supportive community rather than selfish and rich and walled away from others.  Think about it:  greed and selfishness breed all the negative emotions like jealousy and fear.  War leaves our veterans with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  But have you ever served in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter?  Have you given more than you thought you could to help people who have been hit by disaster?  When we do those kind of things we get hit with the good chemicals in our body like endorphins.  No PTSD when we help others... nope, our bodies actually reward us.

We are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made.  If only we could erase the conditioning of the world we live in and live as God truly made us.  We would find God's Kingdom come.

Our Father,
Thy kingom come.  Amen.

Participate in the Miracle

Later a few religion scholars and Pharisees got on him. “Teacher, we want to see your credentials. Give us some hard evidence that God is in this. How about a miracle?” (Matthew 12:38 MSG)

You've probably heard this one, but:

A man is at home when flood warnings start beeping on his iphone.  So he prays for God to save him from the flood.  The flood rises to his home and police come to his door to tell him to evacuate.  He says, "No, I'll be fine.  I've prayed and God will save me."  The flood rises and begins seeping into his home rising fast.  A rescuer comes with a boat and tells him to get in.  Hes says, "No, I'll be fine.  I've prayed and God will save me."  The flood continues to rise until the man is forced to his roof.  A rescuer comes in a helicopter and offers him a line.  "No," he says, "I'll be fine.  I've prayed and God will save me."  The man perishes in the flood and meets God.  "God," he says, "I prayed!  Why didn't you save me?"  God answers, "What are you talking about?  I sent police, a boat and a helicopter!  You simply refused to be saved!"

Every night for his entire adult life, Fred prayed, "Dear God, please let me win the lottery."  Night after night after night, "Dear God, please let me win the lottery."  But Fred never even won a dollar in a scratch off.  But Fred was persistant in his prayer.  One night when Fred was 99 years old he hit his knees one more time and prayed, "Dear God, please let me win the lottery."  Suddenly a voice from the heavens boomed down:  "For goodness sake, Fred!  Buy a ticket!!"

"Mommy, can I have a cookie?" "Yes."
"Mommy, can I have a cookie?" "Yes."
"Mommy, can I have a cookie?" "Yes!"
"Mommy why won't you let me have a cookie?"  "Child, walk to the cookie jar and get one."

Participate in the miracle.

Father,
Teach us to be participants with you in answered prayers and miracles.  Amen.

Moments

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12 NIV)

When I was a child, I was always rushing days... I couldn't wait for Christmas; I couldn't wait for my birthday (another year older, yay!); I couldn't wait for that family trip to the amusement park.  I couldn't wait to grow up.

When I grew up (all to quickly in hindsight) I was still wishing away my days.  Days would blurr into each other as I worked in jobs I either totally disliked or simply tolerated and I would wish my life away, weekend to weekend, vacation to vacation.

Now that I am fifty-something and Christmases and birthdays come at me with tremendous speed and I have a job that I love, the days and weeks and years just fly by and I wish I could slow them down and really enjoy the heart and soul out of each and every day.

More than that... I wish I could go back... hmmm... maybe just AFTER the awkward teen years (who wants to relive that??) and slow the days down and enjoy them for what they were.  Maybe those jobs wouldn't have been so bad if I would have tried harder to enjoy the relationships or the life lessons or just the moments.  Maybe the weekends and vacations wouldn't have been over so quickly if I would have spent less time dreading their end and more time being in the moment.

Moments.  We need to enjoy the heck out of each one of them and make the most out of them.  I'm not saying we need to be doing something productive each and every minute.  Why, we can even enjoy a good night's sleep.  We can enjoy sitting and reading a good book.  We can even enjoy the guilty pleasure of a terrible reality show if that's your thing!  The point is... be there.  Whether you are alone or with a loved one or even among strangers, just be there and make it your moment to experience or learn or just enjoy.

God of Time and Space,
Help us to enjoy to precious moments of our lives.  Help us to squeeze every last drop out of each moment, each experience, each relationship.  Help us to live whatever time we have left to the fullest.  Amen.

Let the River Flow

He opened the rock, and water gushed out; it flowed like a river in the desert. (Psalm 105:41 NIV)

We've all been there... smack dab in the middle of the desert.  Our lives desolate.  Our hopes crushed.  Our spirits alone.  But then we see it.  It's always there.  That river in the desert.  That refreshing water that tempers our unrelenting thirst.

Britain, like most of the world is in the throes of a terrible recession.  The poor are getting poorer and public programs are being cut.  What cool refreshment for them to take joy in the birth of Kate and William's new baby.  Babies always bring hope.

The Roman Catholic Church has not had a good decade.  They have been rocked by scandal and criticized for many of their old-fashioned practices and ideas.  But then the refreshing river that brought Pope Francis arrived.  What a thirst-quencher he is!

2008 was probably the most difficult year of my life.  Among other "in the desert" events, I lost both of my parents in less than a month.   But then the river of life brought my first granddaughter into the world. What joy she brought to my sadness!  She has been the light of my life ever since.

Every desert hides a secret river just waiting to gush forth.  Sometimes we have to look for it.  Sometimes it even lies disguised  as part of the desert.  Look for it.  It's there waiting to be discovered.  As Laura Story sings, "What if the trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

God of Flowing Rivers,

Bring forth the water when we are thirsting in the desert portions of our lives.  Help us to see it whensadness  or despair threaten to overecome us with thirst.  Amen.

Chasing After the Wind

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 2:10, 11 NIV)

Richard and I live in a relatively small house.  It was hard when the boys were growing up here, but the cost of raising two boys, some difficult times of unemployment and other significant financial woes made just keeping this house difficult enough, so we were not sucked into the "McMansion" era of "bigger is better" thinking.  If we had had the money, I'm sure we would have at least have gotten something bigger.  But now I'm happy we stayed here.

One thing about living in a small home is that it makes you think about what is important enough to keep.  There isn't a lot of storage space!  Quite frequently I have to go through stuff and give it away or toss it or sell it.  We were not able to keep baby stuff for future generations.  We were not able to keep clothes long enough for them to either come back into style or wear to "retro" parties.  We've had to pick the things that mean the most to us.  This is a hard job for Richard who has inherited a tendency to "packrat" from his mother.  But he has gotten a lot better... except for his military stuff.... Argggghhhhh!

Yesterday I took a walk down my road and came across a house I forgot was there.  It is about half the size of my own home.  I had to wonder about their storage problems.  They would have to be even more selective about what they keep!  And then I thought about the stuff we have tucked into our closets and drawers and chests.  So much of it hasn't even been touched in many, many years... so why do we keep it?  Why do we human beings have this inner need to amass and store and keep even though we have virtually no use for it?  Why is it so hard to get rid of?  Do two people really need 10 blankets?  Do we really need tons of photos of zoo animals with nobody we know in the picture?  Do we really need that 1990 set of encyclopedia when you can find much more up to date info on line?

Seeing that tiny little house yesterday has inspired me to let go of some more "stuff."  It feels liberating.  Most THINGS in our lives are nothing more than "vanities."  It is the people and relationships in our lives that are really important.

God of Life,
Help us to let go of the inanimate things in our lives that we have been led to believe are so important.  If we don't use it to bring joy or help to others, than what good is it?  Help us to pour our hoarding energy into hoarding relationships!  Amen.