I have been receiving C.S. Lewis daily devotionals through Bible Gateway. C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity" had a huge influence on my Christian development. He just has a way of making spiritual matters make sense. Here is an excerpt from this mornings devotional:
"The worldly man treats certain people kindly because he ‘likes’ them: the Christian, trying to treat every one kindly, finds himself liking more and more people as he goes on—including people he could not even have imagined himself liking at the beginning.This same spiritual law works terribly in the opposite direction. The Germans, perhaps, at first ill-treated the Jews because they hated them: afterwards they hated them much more because they had ill-treated them. The more cruel you are, the more you will hate; and the more you hate, the more cruel you will become — and so on in a vicious circle for ever."I will never forget one of my first adult Sunday school classes at Holy Cross when we were discussing loving your neighbor... I asked, "How do you love your neighbor, when you don't?" A wise person suggested, "Act as if you do!" Once we "act as if" we love someone, before long, we find that we actually do love them.
The story is told of a couple who went to a marriage councilor to no avail. When divorce seemed like the only solution, the man - bitter from hurt - privately asked the councilor how he could most hurt his wife back. The councilor said, "This is very unprofessional of me, but I have seen how badly she hurt you. What you should do is make her love you again. Then, the divorce will devastate her." The man thought that was a great idea, and wooed his wife and won her love. The man went back to the councilor to tell of his success and the councilor asked, "So when is the divorce?" The man said, "Divorce? We have never been more in love!"
Of course we all have those "toxic" people in our lives... those who just drain us emotionally. How do we love them? Love does not mean allowing others to emotionally (or physically) abuse you. I have discovered that it simply boils down to deciding to love these people for who they are without trying to change them or point out their flaws while always drawing firm boundaries. In extreme cases, this may mean limiting or severing contact. Prayer (the listening kind) will help you know where and how to draw those boundaries.
Hate is one of those emotions that harms ourselves much more than the one we hate. It is a cancer whose only cure is love. It is so hard to hate in the face of real love.
Father,
Help us to act as if we love until we really do. Help us to dig down deep in our hearts and look honestly at our relationships and our prejudices and begin to love more. Amen.
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