Friend to the Grieving

[Job's three friends] sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. -Job 2:13

Sometimes there just are no words. I always loved this first action that Job's friends take. They just sat with him for seven days without saying a word. As they will later show, the wrong words can sometimes deepen the wound. 

Here are some oft-use phrases that are probably better left unsaid:

• "I know how you feel" - Even if you have gone through a very similar experience, they need to have this experience be more about them than you. If you have some good pointers to help them through, at least wait until the shock wears off.
• "Your loved one is in a better place"- When someone is grieving the only "good" place for their loved one to be is beside them again.
• "God never gives us more than we can handle." - Uggghhh. 

That last one, and phrases like it (God must have needed an angel; This was God's plan; God will use this for good), though some might be true, are just bad timing. As Christians, we certainly want to offer the comfort of God, but it is just not the time to tell them how good it might be that this terrible stuff happened. Instead, tell them that God is grieving with them and will walk with them through the process.

I'm terrible at all this stuff. I have so many good intentions when it comes to the hardships my friends experience, but always feel like I would be just an added burden and end up not doing anything. I'm working on it...

God of the Grief-Stricken and Those Who Would Offer Comfort:

Help us just to be there. Amen.